Saturday, May 9, 2009

Slight happiness

Though almost everything that had happened to me in the past few months are bad, there are, however few things that really lit up my life slightly. Glad that at least some hardwork had actually repaid me back, no matter how small it is.

I always do believe that everyone is equal. Every man has his downfall and glory days. I do believe, and certainly wish for, that this half year of my life is the down part. This period is where nothing goes in the right way. Everything seems to chained. I'm having bad mood for failing some application. Then I expressed my anger towards people, making them upset and all sorts.

But in this part if my life, I tried to turn to a new leaf. Last time, I always believe I'm lucky because I do not need to work hard to achieve things. I could have just do nothing and my parents would just buy me lots of things. That time, everything just come in my way. But recently, the fortune had turn it's back against me. Everything that I wanted, i would work hard for it, but it only paid me little. After lots of despair, I begun to look at life differently. Accepting that people aren't always lucky. This just make me appreciate more and working harder.

No matter what will happen in the near future. I do believe that this period will certainly make me a better person.


Recently had a quarrel with a good friend of mine. Probably I refuse to do something that someone else promise him that I would do. Thinking back. I shouldn't be so selfish. No matter how taxing a task maybe, we should help them do it. What are friends for? anyway.

Although, I still believe that my choice of not helping a friend is not wrong. All I wish for is for him to at least make some effort to lessen my burden. That is what I wish. Took some time thinking over this mistake. No matter who's wrong and who's correct, the proper way is to forgive and forget. Let bygones be bygones.

I do hope people would understand me more. Although i do have a lot of bad habits, I still do practice some good habits. After all I did to help my friends, only a handful would understand my true character. Sadly, only girls understands me, they truely know my personality. Guy friends, however, only will picture my bad habits only.

I was quite relieve when somebody actually praise me. I can't believe that she actually know the good side of me. I do like to help people, but somehow these days I can't help on some things. It's because I don't wanna hurt myself too much to lend a helping hand.

So please, next time when you people ask me for a favour, I will be more than glad to help. But please, let me see that you are too, working out at least something to ease my job.

Long time

Lots of stuffs happpened for the past 2 months. Really really not a good period for me. Lots of disappointment. Lots of mistakes. Tension mounting. Uni's starting in a few weeks time. Still undecided. Moody all the time. Always thinking.

Haihz. Recently had a strange feelings towards some girl. I started to doubt myself. Always asking. Aren't I still waiting for that person. My thoughts are messed up recently. Some occasional midnight chats with someone not-so-special. I thought i have no feelings towards her. But some part of her resembles someone that I am still missing.

Strange. A few nights before, we chatted till late night. Well over her time of sleep, I somehow wished that we can talk longer, knowing each other better. Bad part is, wondering whether I should make our relationship a step further.

Strangely, that night, I dreamt about someone that I have been missing alot. It was flashbacks of my sweet and happy moments with her. Holdings hand secretly in the bus and the cuteness of her laughter. But dreams do end. I woke up. Still wanting to flashback more moments together with her.

I shall take a step back. That dream, give me the confidence to continue what I still believe. That someday, destiny would bring us back together. I would be the one for her and vice versa. Ahh, I still hate it when she says someone is cute.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Of secrets and sorry

This post has relations with robson's sorry post and wang's secret post. Something really emo-ish happened among our gang. A small conflict that had grown into a leakage. Then the darkest secret of someone was exposed. I had mixed emotions. It's because of accumulated emotions of the pass week. I didn't know someone had issues with me. What problems it may seem, solving it seems to be a far-fetched move. I'm simply not in a mood.

Robson, wang and me had a long conversation at some mamak. We discussed about the conflict. I'm too hard-headed. For me, apologising is a move when you did wrong. Since both parties had done mistakes, is it appropriate for 1 party to apologise, and the other just receive? I didn't know that you are so sensitive. A bad comment that is not intended to you angers you. You can just ignore that person without telling the reason.

As apologising seemed to be the only solution, I was hit on the head with another shocking news. Fact or not, I still believe it. I need more time to accept that someone had some odd social behaviour, something that is wrong in my religion. Then I think again, is it worth to continue a friendship when fear of his odd behaviour had already been implanted.

Secrets are no a new trend anymore. Normal or not, people ought to have their own secrets. I do have mine. I think I still of a choice to keep it all to myself. One exposed secret is enough to lure your friends away. But for now, I will distance myself for a while. All I'm waiting is for something good to happen to me, something that can cheer me up.


Since this has been a hot topic among my peers, I'm gonna talk about my experience in MIFF. I went to the interview in the very last minute. Luck is on my side as I was called by the staff that I got the job. Wondering about whether I got the job or not made me emo for 2 days. All of my friends got the call on wed, they call me on friday instead.

Went to the briefing a few days later, on the sat if I'm not mistaken. I was shocked to see only Daniel there. I expected a few more friends to appear. I'm in the same team as Daniel, as hall assistance. The organizers said that we are amongst the chosen ones, as this job is an uphill task and the hardest (I assume) among all other positions. I wasn't so pleased at first. No air-cond in the first few days.

The first day of work is really tiring. Before that, my man Daniel was promoted to become hall coordinator, which means he is my boss (haha). Glad to be working under him, he is a great and responsible leader. When I saw him, usually he is rushing around to solve problems. I was actually posted in hall 1m, but out in a blurr I was transferred to hall 2. My partner is Hsien Loong, a blurr + cool guy, as slumber as he may seem, he is a humourous guys. Among other guys that worked in the same building with me are Vernard, Jit Wei, Jones, Bobby, and Yew Sun.

The first 4 days are practically the same because it was construction and preparation again and again. Leg pains were unbearable. But the plus side is I'm beginning to like the job because of the growing friendship among our group. As stress and tiresome as it may seem, group members that are helping each other really eases this job.

The 5th day of work, the 1st day of exhibition, all of us are pretty nervous because we will be handling more problems, visitors are coming!!! Before I forgot, I along with Jit Wei and Vernard reach early to become usherers. I was happy to tag along because it seems that you have to be good-looking to become usherers. My name is mentioned not because I'm good-looking (sob), it's because my slightly better command of english (band 5). The 2 other guys are quite good-looking.

My dreams are broken when I saw Mok Wai Kit there. It seems like the good-looking quality that the organizers are finding met a dead end. I let out a sigh of despair. Not even a single chick is pretty or my taste. But there are 2 other guys that are really good-looking (jealous-nya). Handling bosses around the world is not easy. You have to jaga their face. Nothing worth mentioning there.

And yays!! I was positioned at the information counter. Another sad case, it has to be me instead of some pretty lass. The other building has 'pretty chicks' that are posted in the information counter. Means that I will not be needed to walk alot. But I really change shift among group members, just to let them rest. The organizers did a poor job in giving information to me. I was constantly bombarded with questions that I didn't know, I actually have to find information myself by 'stealing' guide books.

A lot of problems arises even on the 1st day. Hundreds of complains from the exhibitors. I was really frustrated when someone uses harsh words on me. Unaware of tragedies that are going to happen, the group tried to keep everyone happy. Heavy rain outside didn't help my mood. Thunder keep roaring as if it's trying to signal something. Until about 5pm.....

Really really interesting event next, I need to get a rest.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Acting busy

Wow. Today is like 2 more days to cny. Everyone is really busy doing house chores. I'm stuck at home doing nothing. Looks like I'm the only one guy not needing to do any thing. Just waiting for cny to over. Hope it'll be all over soon. Really don't have any mood to celebrate, after that many things happened. While others are busy helping out their parents out, I'm asking my friends to get out from their house to accompany me. Really tired now, didn't sleep much yesterday, is sleeping 2 hours considered sleeping? Actually this morning is basketball day, no one showed up, except me and wey keet. Played a while with a bunch of kids then off we go for snooker session. Compared to him, my skills sucked to the max.

I wish I could just stay at home during this cny. No mood to see my relatives. Cause in front of them, I need to give that smiley face 24/7. Yea, getting angpows doesn't make the whole situation better. Getting few hundred bucks will not help in my college funds. So far I have to travel back to my parent's hometown. I'm sick of traveling for long hours. After the penang trip, sitting at the seat for 6-7 hours irritates me. So please, understand me if I dissappoint you.

A dark night

The only sound I heard now is the air-conditioning and my own breath. I'm feeling real alone now. Finally the echos of my parent's bragging are gone. I can be peaceful again and think. It's already 4am in the morning, too late to sleep, too early to start the day. At this period of time, I should really think about my future. Stepping nearer each day, to the day where results are announced. Means that my long holiday is more than half gone. Formulas are not seen in my mind right now. I hope that time will move with more pace, so that I will not stay like this. I'm starting to hate myself, for not starting my holiday plans. No mood for anything.

I guess, I will be alone for a long period of time. It's really hard to find a companion as understanding and as fun as you. You gave me hope. Your smile guides me through hardship. Your voice brings me back when I was about to quit. Your laughter lets me forget all the pain temporarily. Now, all hope fades. At least, you helped me through hardship. I happily wave good bye and thank you for the good time we had in the last few months. I'm not emo, just briefly describe the status you have in my heart.

I will stay strong and face whatever obstacles that I may face. But this time, I'm going to face it alone. I'm wondering whether I should follow my parents to hatyai next week. They're begging me to go. Following them means boredom and mostly, the weekend that promises a whole lot of fun and reunions. Ahhhh, I badly miss most of them. Hopefully, all will turn up. Haihz, I'm still thinking of a reason to not follow my parents.


After months of thinking and deciding, I've finally made my mind. Few resolutions have been made by me before this year starts. Gladly, I've starting to see bits of images that I will fail miserably this year.

My close friends know that some problem had been bugging me for months. Though it looked like a small problem for them, but no one could understand my feelings and what consequences it might bring upon. And yes, it's the relationship thingy again. I'm not particularly sad about it. Just a mild regret that I always take things for granted and not taking chances when they are in front of me.

Without me actually noticing, somethings have been happening. She isn't telling me about that, but I've already found out. The promise that have been made are already broken, nothing can mend it back. It's not betrayal or any sort. It's just my fault, I'll receive the result, eventhough it's bad. I'm letting her go. Even if that feeling never come back to me again. Anyway, you had made me finally know what I want. I will take this lesson like a dude.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Take one day at a time

Take One day at a time
Do not look back and
grieve about the past,
for it is gone.
Do not be troubled
about the future,
for it is yet to come.
Live in the present,
and make every moment
you live worth
This is the only good thing that had happened to me today. Saw this went seeing the dentist, orthodontict to be exact. Lots of shits happened today. Started the day well, but some few problems happened all of a sudden, just struck me right in my face. I'm not angry about anything or anyone, I'm just angry about myself, for being such a coward. Hopefully something will cheer me up.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I wish..

... that moment would come back again. I went inside your room before going bed. Didn't quite see your face clearly. But I know, that you were just as attractive and beautiful. I would give you a kiss on your forehead. Then tell you how much I love you and really mean it.

Sigh. Shouldn't had missed it.